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It’s been approximately three years since I was last pregnant. I’ve forgotten all the wonderful things that come with carrying around a big belly and the not so wonderful things. Now that I’m 22 weeks pregnant, it’s very obvious to everyone who sees me that we are expecting. Although I’m sure that there are those who may wonder if I’ve just stuck a ball under my top.

Some comments that I did not notice with my first pregnancy, but are glaringly obvious this time around are the comments on my size. By my size, I mean my weight gain and belly size. Often, people say things that they think are acceptable to pregnant women but not to the rest of the female population. Should I not be pregnant, I think people would not be so up front as to tell me how much weight I have or have not gained. They would not consider themselves as obstetrician or dieticians and give me advice as to what I should or should not be eating to gain or slow down my weight gain.

It’s never acceptable to comment on how big a pregnant woman is. Actually, it’s not acceptable to comment on how small a pregnant woman is either. If you’re feeling compelled to say something about a pregnant women’s appearance, then it should be along the lines of,

“You look great pregnant” or “You’re looking gorgeous”.

Inappropriate comments such as:

“You look so big now”

“You’re really small/big for 5 months!”

“Are you carrying twins?”

“I only gained 9 kg when I was pregnant”

will not only annoy a pregnant woman, but can really hurt her.

In my case, I’ve not gained much weight. Actually, with 5 months of  ’all day sickness’, I’ve struggled to gain any weight. I’m just happy that I have finally gained back all the weight I lost so the comments coming my way have been more along the lines of my lack of weight gain. I’m sure that as baby gets bigger and my belly is protruding out more and more, the comments would be streaming my way. How I’ll handle them will depend on my pregnancy hormones.

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This pregnancy is half behind me now and I tentatively look forward to the next 20 weeks. Week 20 is a big week for most pregnant women because it’s the week they find out the sex of the baby should they chose to.

I am someone who wants to know what I can, if I can. If I can find out about our baby’s occupation and who he or she will marry, how many kids they will have or not, I would too. Surprises are not for me. With that being said, I have no particular preferences of a boy or girl. I keep bouncing the thought of having a little boy to a little girl for obvious reasons. If we have another boy, I would selfishly be the only princess in the family and be surrounded by my handsome princes. On the other hand, a little girl would be nice only for my own shallow reasons like giving me an excuse to buy all those very cute girls outfits (that happen to take up most of the space in kids stores).

Since week 12, I’ve had a feeling that I was carrying a boy. These feelings come from various sources that you could say are ‘old wives tales’,  but I take these sources very seriously. The first was an appearance of a line on my palm that represents a male child. In my past time (and past life), I used to study palmistry until I got bombard with requests to read every Tom, Dick and Harry who found out that I can read palms. After that, I went underground and decided not to advertise or read anyone’s palms anymore (with some exceptions). I’ve never been wrong when reading people’s palms so I didn’t see how I could be wrong in reading my own palm.

The second source was from my mother-in-law who has a theory about ovulation and conception. She swears that she has a 100% success rate and with 6 kids (3 boys and 3 girls) with the sexes she chose, who am I to argue? She’s recommended this theory to others who’ve all managed to conceive with the chosen sex of their baby. Here is her theory: She says that if you have intercourse BEFORE ovulation and conceive, then you will have a boy. However, if you conceive AFTER ovulation, then you will have a girl. The week that I happen to be ovulating, it was the last week of January 2009 when we had a heat wave in Melbourne and temperatures were between 43 and 45 degrees celcius for a consecutive 4 days. After a few attempts of trying to get pregnant, we just decided it was too hot to be doing anything in bed other than trying to stay cool! By the time I was at my peak ovulation period, we just said enough was enough and there was such a thing as it being too hot for sex! Hence, conception could only have occurred before ovulation. So according to my mother-in-law’s theory, we would be having a boy.

The other source is the Chinese Birth Calendar. This calendar tells you what sex you will conceive depending on the month of conception and the mother’s birth age at the time of conception. According to the Chinese Birth Calendar, we would have a boy (conceived in January to my age of 31 at the time of conception).

With all this being said, it was time to confirm my suspicions at the week 20 ultrasound. Surprise Surprise, or should I say, No Surprise No Surprise, I saw a very obvious penis between our son’s legs.

I have no doubt of the joy in finding out the sex of your child after the delivery and it would be just as powerful as finding out now. However, for us, the chance to imagine the baby as a him for the next 20 weeks is a luxury that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

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In our mothers and grandmothers days, women were told not to exercise during pregnancy in fear of harming both mother and baby. However, obstetricians and midwives now tell us to do some form of exercise to get fit or fitter during pregnancy to help cope with labour and the body recover.

When I was pregnant with my first born from the first trimester, I went to prenatal yoga and aqua aerobics classes on a weekly basis. The frequent images that sets in our minds of aqua aerobics is of older ladies with floral swimming caps bouncing up and down in the water. This is actually not far from the truth! Sans the floral swimming caps, in place, frilly, floral one piece swimming costumes.

The aqua aerobics classes that I attended were more ‘energetic’ and was participated by a younger group of ladies, and on occasion, a man. It wasn’t specifically designed for pregnant women but I found that exercising in the water helped support my weight because of the water’s buoyancy. The water’s temperature also helped keep my body temperature from over heating.

You don’t need to know how to swim to do water aerobics as classes are conducted in waist deep or chest deep water. It’s a lot of fun and can be done up until week 40 of your pregnancy.

I did prenatal  yoga up until the 40th week of my pregnancy. I attribute my intervention free, first 24 hours of labour to prenatal yoga. I was able to cope with the labour pains purely through the breathing techniques I learnt in my yoga classes. After that, the doctors intervened and that was the end of yoga positions and practised breathing. My son’s head was looking up instead of tucked in so I wasn’t dilating beyond 4 cm and the labour wasn’t progressing. I ended up taking oxytocin and an epidural and that speed things up and I gave birth (with assistance of the forceps) to a healthy boy 8 hours later.

Pre-natal yoga helped me relax when I felt anxious or frustrated. Some positions helped with the swelling in my ankles from fluid retention. It was also a time that was just for baby and I. You don’t need to be super fit or flexible when you start prenatal yoga for the first time. The instructors are quite clear with their instructions and you perform the routine at your own pace so starting yoga when you’re pregnant is perfectly alright.

This time around, with baby number two, I have returned to my old pregnancy exercise regime. With the nausea and vomiting significantly reduced, I have more energy and have started to enjoy the pregnancy. I think it’s important to take time out to focus on baby number 2 and I, and give us time to connect as I did with baby number 1.

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I read a great blog the other day that got me thinking. We have a 3 year old boy and being almost 5 months pregnant with our second child and looking more pregnant than someone having a ‘fat day’, I’ve recently received comments and questions regarding the sex of our unborn child. For the most part, they are harmless. Water on a ducks back. However, there are a few that I have found plain rude and annoying.

“You must want a girl now because you have a boy.” - no, I just want a healthy baby.

“I want you to have a girl.” - if you want a girl, then you should try and get pregnant.

“If you have another boy, then you will have to try again to have a girl” - who says I want 3 children?

I get these sorts of comments left right and centre. From close friends, family to strangers. It really makes you think what the purpose of these comments are for. To put pressure on a mother to produce the perfect boy/girl pigeon pair? Once this perfect pair is produced, then what? Does one stop having kids because one is to have it all? And what happens when a family only has boys or girls?  Are they to keep trying and trying until they have at least one of each sex?

Throughout both pregnancies, I have a fear at the back of my mind that our baby is unhealthy or has some form of disability. It is a fear that I try to push back and not think about too often. I reassure myself that everything will be ok, that tests and ultrasounds have not revealed anything significant. But that fear still lingers.

So for someone to tell me or comment on something as trivial as the sex of a baby seems so absurd that I almost want to laugh in their faces and tell them that they must be joking. If they are not, then they should go to the neo-natal intensive care units and the childrens’ hospitals to open up their eyes as to how ridiculous their comments are.

There are so many people who try for years and years to have a child and are not blessed with one, or have miscarriage after miscarriage before successfully conceiving. Ask these people if they would like a girl or a boy?

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